On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
