i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
