btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
