Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
