Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
