I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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