Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just high enough for therapy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
