We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen