Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic