..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?