she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't turn off my feet"
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the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.