even my farts smell like vagina
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death