Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He did a backflip because drugs
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