so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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