I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
