It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
