I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
