There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
