you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
