Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
