I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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