He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
