Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
