I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A+ Viking dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
