I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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