I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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