You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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