Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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