And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
