Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
