i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
