I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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