why do cheetos always look like penises
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
