is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it penis luge time yet?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
