What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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