The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
