Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
