If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
