the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
