So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I color on your dick again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
