Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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