I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
