id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
