this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hope mine doesn't look like that
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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