are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
