two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
