you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
