So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
