i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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