So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
