I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?