I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
