He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...