well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze