Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

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(781): Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster. http://tfl.nu/zgi0

Replies (29) Good night (2454) Bad night (794)
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(214): View more from Texas

I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"

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(214): I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night" http://tfl.nu/h7ul

Replies (14) Good night (2274) Bad night (787)
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(713): View more from Texas

wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

(281): View more from Texas

umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

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(713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window?? (281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out. http://tfl.nu/y9ae

Replies (35) Good night (4186) Bad night (1105)
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(720): View more from Colorado

She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

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(720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh

Replies (71) Good night (26534) Bad night (1554)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.

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(781): I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece. http://tfl.nu/l6if

Replies (10) Good night (901) Bad night (6368)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

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(843): I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome? http://tfl.nu/1lt0

Replies (23) Good night (1565) Bad night (7103)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.

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(215): you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger. http://tfl.nu/jxnv

Replies (16) Good night (3612) Bad night (3946)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO

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(303): Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO http://tfl.nu/1w33

Replies (6) Good night (1699) Bad night (937)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right

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(505): At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right http://tfl.nu/tpj0

Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (696)
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(914): View more from New York

It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you

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(914): It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you http://tfl.nu/ff5c

Replies (8) Good night (1575) Bad night (439)
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(818): View more from California

Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.

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(818): Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest. http://tfl.nu/joqb

Replies (9) Good night (1440) Bad night (548)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm about to be a big disappointment.

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(405): Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake. (405): I'm about to be a big disappointment. http://tfl.nu/y7r2

Replies (2) Good night (794) Bad night (437)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?

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(304): I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed? http://tfl.nu/vp1b

Replies (4) Good night (364) Bad night (1492)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...

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(419): I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord... http://tfl.nu/yyau

Replies (3) Good night (870) Bad night (418)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.

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(973): You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap. http://tfl.nu/fx54

Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (235)

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