She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
