I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
should my penis look like a turkey
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
