i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
