My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
