Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
