I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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