I need help removing her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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