You really coming over, don't trick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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