I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
