i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
