Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
