I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
