I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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