When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
