My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
MIDGETS
????
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
