hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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