dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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