We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
