so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
