Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
