I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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