Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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