Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
