Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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