there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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