We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize