I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize