guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
