Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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