Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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